Journey to God

Welcome back to StrodeDad! Thanks for joining me today as I discuss my journey to God and where it looks like it might take me. I hope you all had some very wonderful holidays. With that, let's get started.

Dear Lord, thank you for the opportunity to get to write today. Thank you for your love, grace, and patience. Lord, as I write today, I ask that you guide my words in the direction you want them to go. I also ask that you open my readers up to what I have to say, Lord, and more importantly, open them up to you. May they see your glory in what I write in Jesus' name, amen.

It has been roughly two weeks since my last entry. It has been a busy two weeks, I can tell you that much. On the 20th, Adeline had surgery to remove her port from her chest. The experience going into this surgery was nothing like going into the surgery when they removed her kidney and added her port. A few things were different this time.

The first difference is that we knew what to expect going into the surgical area. We explained everything to Adeline; she understood what was happening and how they would take her for a ride on her bed and then go to sleep and wake up without her port. This was a big step because she didn't need any medicine to help with her separation from us. The last time she had surgery, they gave her some medication that made her very loopy to help her with being separated from us. The medicine gave her a loopiness that we had never seen before.

The nurses laughed as she got increasingly loopy, even commenting, "oh, it's like she is drunk." This was a regular occurrence for them, and they had seen it hundreds if not thousands of times. But for Erika and I, this was new and, to be frank, very scary. Seeing the nurses laughing as our daughter struggled to speak and looked at us with terror and confusion was very infuriating. It was infuriating to hear them laugh as she struggled to say that she needed to go to the bathroom but couldn't put the words together. This was normal for them, but I wanted to yell and tell them to get out, and how dare they laugh as she sat there struggling and terrified. Sure the medicine helped her with the separation but only because she was essentially too drugged out to say anything.

Honestly, it still infuriates me, and I never want to see my baby girl like that again. It's hard to see your child like that. It's even harder not to want to throw a punch at the people who are laughing at your struggling child. I know it was for her good, but I wish they had never given her that drug.

The second different thing is our relationship with God. The first time we had gone there for her surgery, we hadn't started attending church yet. We had family members who prayed and her uncle who blessed her, but our relationship with God hadn't blossomed yet. That didn't stop us from praying, of course. We prayed and prayed and prayed that she would be ok. Of course she was; God placed all the right people in her life to help us get to this point.

This surgery was a minor outpatient surgery. We would get to take her home after this one instead of going to a different floor and staying for five days. But let me tell you about her surgeon. I'd include his name, but I don't have his permission. I will say this; this man has truly found his calling from God. In one of my earliest entries, I explained that he introduced himself to me the day we found out Adeline had cancer. This was also the Friday going into Memorial Day weekend. He explained that he would be her surgeon and what they would do, and then, bless this man, he even set up a zoom call on the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend to be able to explain all the same information to Erika and let us ask questions.

Then this guy does her surgery, and everything goes better than he could have expected. He comes up regularly to check on Adeline and her recovery. He even came in on his day off, in civilian clothes (shorts and a polo t-shirt), to check on Adeline. This guy is so amazing, and his bedside manner is incomparable. Adeline loves him, and she is always excited to see him.

As her port removal surgery approached, we reached out to him to see if we could request that he be the one to remove her port. Of course, we knew there were plenty of capable surgeons that could have done this, but the experience he gave us was more than we could have asked for. I thank God every single day for placing him on our path to her healing. After reaching out to him, he had his office schedule her surgery. On the day of her last chemotherapy appointment, his office called her oncologist's team and worked with them to schedule the surgery. Just before she went back for her port removal, he came in to talk with us and say hi to Adeline. I had previously invited him to the One Ribbon Foundation's launch party. He even remembered that we had discussed that and asked for additional details and said that if he could make it that day, he would. I hope that he does.

That said, none of that would have been possible without God. We wouldn't be here today if He hadn't placed the people we needed on our path. So I raise my hands, praise Him, and give Him all the glory He deserves.

"Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory,

for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!" (Psalm 115:1, ESV)

God is so amazing and transformative. He has truly changed our lives for the better. Erika mentions all the time that this hole, this void, whatever you want to call it, that she didn't even know she had, has now been filled by His love. I couldn't agree more. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to find my way back to him, but I suppose that is part of the journey.

God has changed us for the better. We are still learning and, more importantly, yearning for a relationship with Christ. God has given us new hope in all things. There is a passion there that cannot be squelched, and it is crazy to see how God is working through each of us in different ways. None of us want our children to experience what Adeline and other kids like her have or are experiencing with childhood cancer. One of the hardest things in this world is to see your children suffer, be powerless, and be able to do nothing about it. The thing is if it hadn't been Adeline or really if it hadn't been one of the kids who had gotten sick, if it had been Erika or me, the outcome might have been different. I don't mean the outcome of getting better but the outcome of our relationship with God.

If one of us had gotten sick, we probably wouldn't have turned to God for help; maybe we would have even blamed him. We probably wouldn't see how the process of overcoming cancer occurred by His grace. We probably wouldn't be giving Him the glory. So in that way, I am grateful that all of this happened. Do I know the outcome could have been different? Do I know for some people, the outcome is different? Sure I do. But if there is one thing that I am grateful for, it is that I now know Christ better than I ever have, I am now able to see His love and glory in all things, and best of all, I am now able to give Him credit for all of the miraculous things in my life. Without Him, none of this would be possible. Sometimes it takes a storm to see the light.

28 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,

and he delivered them from their distress.

29 He made the storm be still,

and the waves of the sea were hushed.

30 Then they were glad that the waters were quiet,

and he brought them to their desired haven.

31 Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love,

for his wondrous works to the children of man!

32 Let them extol him in the congregation of the people,

and praise him in the assembly of the elders. (Psalm 107:28-32, ESV)

Man, what a journey it has been so far. The crazy thing is that I feel there is still more to go. I know that I am only just starting out my journey with God. I don't know what He has in store for me next, but I know I am ready, willing, and able because of Him.

The Lord is my strength and my song,

and he has become my salvation;

this is my God, and I will praise him,

my father's God, and I will exalt him. (Exodus 15:2, ESV)

All this leads me to my next point. Where do I go from here? I started the blog initially because I wanted a space to share my thoughts and feelings about what was going on with Adeline, my family, with me. The storm, for now, is calming, so where do I go from here? One recommendation is to continue posting what life after this experience is like. Maybe sharing my thoughts, feelings, and experiences on the whole matter with others, especially other fathers, will help someone in some small way. I, of course, will continue to post about this. But the appointments will be so far apart now; what about between the appointments?

A friend asked me just a few weeks ago, "What do you think your relationship with God will look like now that this is all over?" The implication is, will I continue to glorify His name now that the storm that brought us to Him is over? Often, this person has seen fires lit for Christ due to similar or different storms in people's lives, only to watch them burn and sizzle out once the storm is over. I get that, and I think it is a fair question.

We didn't start going to church until this all started. We always had an excuse, a reason not to go. I think in some people's minds, we didn't start in the right place. We should have been "good Christians" from the start. I personally don't believe that. I think we started from the perfect place. I think we needed that push, that final kick off the ledge, to let us dive into learning about God's unending love. One thing I am learning very quickly is to ask the following question. "Who needs God's love and mercy more, the person who already knows God, who has already accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior and therefore been saved? Or does the sinner, the one who isn't quite sure, the one who always has an excuse, do they need it more?"

We all need God's love. We all need his grace and mercy. To be clear, I am not saying that those that have already found their salvation through Christ our Lord don't need his love and mercy. They, of course, do. But those who don't believe and have never learned of God's unyielding patience and love need this more. They need someone to step up and help them see God's love. That's why I believe that Erika and I started from the perfect place. Now that our storm has been calmed, it is where we go from here that matters.

Erika and I hadn't been to church in person for a few weeks. We were scared that Adeline might get sick being so close to the end of her treatment. Everyone seemed to understand, and we still attended online, but it wasn't the same. This past Sunday, we finally got to go back physically to church. Adeline is healing well from her port removal surgery; it has been roughly a month since her last chemo, so we thought we were safe to return.

Adeline was very excited; she got to go to the kid's room. "I get to be a kid again," she said. Adeline couldn't have been happier to be dropped off. As a matter of fact, Erika said that when she came to pick her up, Adeline looked at her and shook her head no. She finally gets to learn with other kids and play with other kids. Once those steri-strips fall off, she can fall and get roughed up like other kids without us having to worry or be in constant fear.

When we walked through the doors, a whole crowd of people was waiting for us to come in. As we walked through the doors, they all yelled congratulations and tossed confetti to celebrate her cancer-free. God has done many things for us this past year, but the biggest blessing he has delivered to us is helping us find Copper Creek. The friends we are making, and the relationship with God we are developing is more precious than any amount of money or objects. Christ in our lives has genuinely transformed who we are, and we are both so eternally grateful.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

After Adeline was signed into the kid's room, we made our way into the sanctuary and sat up toward the front. We had always sat in the back because we were trying to limit how many people we were around. It was like a whole new world. But what I found as I looked around at all my brothers and sisters in Christ is that I felt at home. I actually mentioned it to Erika. "It just feels like we have come home." And it did. I felt at peace, at home, with a sensation of overwhelming joy to be there.

So where is all this leading? To be honest, I'm still not a hundred percent sure. I know that I have a passion for Christ like I never have. I know I have a fire to learn as much as possible. I want others to learn about the Gospel and God's love and glory. Maybe my journey will help others see His glory and ask themselves, "do I know God? Do I know who Jesus is? Have I accepted Him as my lord and savior?"

If you are reading this and the answer to any of those is no, I would love to hear from you. I'm no pastor; I am still learning and trying to understand what I am reading. I may not have all the answers, heck I probably don't have any except the answer to the most important question of all. Who is our lord and savior? And that, my friends, is Jesus Christ. If you are reading this and want to start your own journey and have no idea where to start, please reach out, message me on Facebook, comment on this post, or message me through this post. My email, strodedad@gmail.com, is always available as well.

Everyone's journey to God is different. You can't look at my life and say, "that's how my journey should look." That is also a tough concept to learn. Another one is that how God uses me will not be the same way he uses Erika, you, or anyone else. You may be called to share your testimony, you may be called to preach, or you might be called to do missionary work overseas. No matter what God has in store for you, chances are it won't be like anyone else's journey. How we come to know God is different for each of us. We all start at different places, or maybe we don't. Perhaps we all start from the same place, and that is in prayer.

If you know nothing else, let me tell you that prayer is the key to the door. Pray to God, pray, and ask for forgiveness. Talk to God; He is always listening. Once you use that key to unlock the door, all you have to do is open it and let Him in. He is always there waiting patiently. Let that be the start of your journey to God.

My journey has begun, has yours?

Thank you all for taking the time to read this latest entry. I hope you all have a wonderful start to your year. Until next time...