God and Patience

Hello and welcome back to StrodeDad. I'm very appreciative to have you as readers so I'd like to say thank you for taking the time to read what I've typed here.

Last week I discussed my relationship with God and how it's transformed over the years. I hope it was as eye-opening for you, my readers, as it was for me to write it and then read it. This week as we head towards a CT scan for Adeline at the end of the week I feel like God has really been telling me to be patient.

Oh, what a hard concept to endure, process, and accept. I've found on contemplation that he is telling me to be patient with all things and not just with the scans.

Wait for the Lord;

be strong, and let your heart take courage;

wait for the Lord!

(Psalms 27:14)

I keep talking about scans, what are these scans you ask?

Well, let me explain a bit about the scans. So periodically while under her treatment plan Adeline has to be scanned which typically entails an ultrasound, an X-Ray, an echocardiogram, and possibly a CT if needed. These scans check for any new masses or disturbances with her lymph nodes. It also checks her heart because one of the medicines that she has to take can thicken her heart wall. To counteract that she has to take medicine right before that has its own side effects but at least it stops her heart from getting damaged.

So back to the scans. On Friday, September 2, 2022, Adeline had her first scans. So we spent the day at St. Louis Children's hospital getting her abdomen/chest X-rayed and then her abdomen ultrasound. Following those two, she laid down and got more pictures of her heart. Later in the afternoon after getting home her doctor calls us.

"Scans came back clear, no nodules in lungs. One lymph node near the liver is enlarged .9 cm but not worrisome. Her right kidney is enlarged but this is normal after having the left removed."

Oh, thank God we exclaimed after he was off the phone. It is through His grace that she is doing as well as she is. He made mention of the enlarged lymph node near her liver but said that he wasn't really worried about it because it wasn't anywhere near where something would typically pop up with Wilms Tumors. So at her following appointment while talking to him he said,

"I want to get a CT done. I think we should monitor that lymph node. I'm not worried about it but I think waiting 10 weeks until your next scans are a bit far. I'd rather check it sooner rather than later."

Fair enough, honestly we are just happy that he is being proactive with her treatment versus reactive. So that is leading us to the CT this week. Now I know what you all are thinking well that's great news, even the doctor isn't worried.

But let me ask you this. How many of you are parents?

Now as parents would you say, "you know, the doctor isn't worried about this but he does want to do extra imaging, I'm not worried."

I'm guessing that most of you who just read that statement are probably thinking, "yea he is right, I would still be a little worried."

It is instinctual to be worried. It is instinctual because they are our kids. When you are going through something like this every little thing is worrisome. Oh man she has a runny nose today, is she sick, should we call the doctor? If she gets sick we have to take her to the emergency room 35 minutes away. Did I just hear her cough, she isn't getting Covid or a chest cold is she?

The smallest things that normally you wouldn't question become questionable. So when my daughter who is getting treated for cancer needs to have an extra CT done to monitor an enlarged lymph node, in the back of my mind I say why can't they just do it right now?

So that's where God steps in. Again I go back to Psalms 27:14.

Wait for the Lord;

be strong, and let your heart take courage;

wait for the Lord!

Wait for the lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage. Oh, what meaning and power are behind those words! God is telling me to be patient and wait for him. He is there, and he knows the path that we are on and where it leads. Let my heart take courage that everything is fine.

We had to wait to see if the lymph node changed over time.

We have to wait because God is telling us everything is ok he has got this.

From May to December, seems like an eternity but really in the grand scale of Adeline's life, it is a drop of water in a lake, and in God's time it is a like drop of water in the ocean (there is probably a much better analogy to represent the vastness of God and His time but that's what I came up with lol). But for 7 months of our lives, we have to wait this out, and then there is also a lifetime of periodic scans. But God is great and He knows what He has planned and so He tells us, "Wait for the Lord: be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

Wait for Him and in all things, He will shine in time.

I find that He is telling me to be patient in this but also in other aspects of my life. Some of you know that I am attending Colorado Christian University, and others don't know that. I am attending to get my BA in Networking as my day-to-day job is IT-related. I am currently minoring in Biblical studies.

The more that I read the bible, the more I learn in my bible studies, and the more I pray and comprehend what I am reading the more pull I feel from God. I find that I am being pulled closer to Him and get an urge to learn more.

So in that urge to learn more and come closer to Him, I am feeling the pull to change my major entirely to Biblical studies. I haven't done so yet but I pray every day for the wisdom and knowledge to know if it is the right choice. I don't know yet what that would mean for me. What does getting a degree in Biblical studies mean for me? What is it leading me to? Well probably just more knowledge in Jesus, which is never a bad thing.

While praying on this I've also felt the urge to wait. Don't change the major yet Brandon. Wait and be patient to see if this is what God really wants you to do. I see this all the time in life currently. Like with church, I want to get more involved, learn, and lead. But all things come in His time. I have been diving head first into the pool that is Jesus, the church, and the bible but God is there telling me, "I love your enthusiasm, I love that you love me the way that you do, but don't forget to take a breath. Don't forget to breathe."

Now some of you might say, well that's what God wants from you. He wants you to be all in. You would be absolutely correct. But being all in is different for everyone and I have been struggling to realize that lately. What "all in" means for me is different than what it means for Erika or for others. God's plan for each of us is different. So here I am rushing forward and God is saying, "Brandon be patient and I will show you when to act."

"and your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way, walk in it, when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." (Isaiah 30:21)

I just have to learn to be patient. I have to learn to not assume that every opportunity is the right opportunity. Not every opportunity is presented by God. What does that mean exactly? Well, my best guess is that sometimes the Enemy will place "opportunities" in your path, things that look like what God wants from you. But in the end, only God knows your path, and "opportunities" that are not rooted in Him will never prosper.

How many times have you been told to be patient by God and not listened and it turned out badly or not as you thought it was going to? Or vise versa when God is telling you to act and you were to scared or unsure to do so? Did you miss an opportunity?

In many cases, we as humans are impatient and we also tend to think we know better than God. But God is eternal and God's love is strong and when he says to wait make sure you listen. It is a hard lesson to learn and an even harder one to practice.

Thank you again for reading my latest entry and I hope to see you here next week.