God: A Relationship and Calling

Hello and welcome back to StrodeDad. Thank you for taking the time today to come back and read my next entry. This week I have fought within myself to find the words to write. I planned on writing an entry about cancer scans, detailing what they were and what they meant. I will be sending that out shortly so please be on the lookout for that. With that being said I got the sudden urge to write about my relationship with God and what it means for me to have that relationship with Him. So please enjoy as I explain my coming to Jesus.

"that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us," (Acts 17:27)

This serves as an excellent introduction to my relationship with Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. In this scripture, Paul is speaking to Athens and spreading the word of God to them. I find it to be perfect because God is never far from us, Jesus is always walking with us, we just often don't acknowledge Him. But since he is always there he is easy to find when we look and ask for him.

I started going to church when I was young probably around 11 or 12 years old. My mom sent us to a Pentecostal church because they offered to come and pick us up. So for my mom, who never really went or believed in the church, this was a chance for a quiet Sunday morning after working many hours during the rest of the week. She also worked nightshift sometimes so Sunday mornings were usually her chance at getting caught up on sleep.

But here we were getting picked up in a strangely painted school bus by men in suits. And we weren't the only kids, there were typically 8 to 10 other kids. But the thing to note is that they were picking up kids to spread the word of God, but we were all kids from lower middle-class to lower-class income-level families. We didn't have fancy church clothes. Most of us only had blue jeans that were torn from play and wear. Our parents didn't spend money on slacks and dress shirts because for what reason would we need that?

So here we are getting picked up by men in suits, going to a church where men and boys wore suits to church and women and girls wore skirts or dresses. This is all before the, come as you are movement, that seems to have hit churches in the last decade. Because we weren't dressed appropriately we were forced to sit in the back two rows of pews. I didn't agree with this of course but I was only maybe 11 - 12 years old. But I found that the more I went the more in love with Jesus I became and the closer to Him I became.

So I don't know if you have ever been to a Pentecostal service or if this is even what they are all like but at this church, it was quite the scene. You'd have people with their hands in the air shaking as they worshipped and cried. You'd have some running around the sanctuary in laps with their hands in the air praising Jesus. It was vibrant and full of life. But one of the big things you'd see is people speaking in different languages as they worshipped or what is known as speaking in tongues.

So there is a big long explanation about speaking in tongues that you can go and read that would probably do a better job than I am about to do. I've read the article and I think it is a very interesting read.

https://bible.org/article/speaking-tongues

If you have never experienced someone speaking in tongues or experienced it first hand it can be quite alarming at first. I found that as I attended church more and became closer and closer to God that I felt a difference in my soul. I remember one morning sitting in the basement (it was finished and where the Sunday school was held) and after service one morning we were praying. I remember praying with all my heart for God to forgive me of my sins and fill me with the holy spirit. I was praying out loud just telling God how much I love Him when I felt myself become filled with the Holy Spirit. Suddenly the words that were coming out of my mouth were words that I had never heard before. It almost sounded like gibberish coming from my mouth but it was uncontrollable. The more I tried to speak and praise Him the more of this new language I spoke.

Afterward, I remember, all of the adults had been around me, placing their hands on my shoulders and head and praying with me while I prayed and spoke in tongues. It was an experience that I will never forget. Shortly after that time, I was baptized, I had asked to be baptized, I wanted it with all my soul. I still remember feeling cleansed as I was lifted out of the water.

If only I had lived my life closer to God following that moment.

"Therefore say to them, Thus declares the Lord of hosts: Return to me, says the Lord of hosts, and I will return to you, says the Lord of hosts." (Zechariah 1:3)

What does this say to you? I see this verse and I think to myself that this says return to me (God), and I will return to you. This means that if you leave God's path for a time but return to Him, He will return to you and be ever present in your life.

Not long after that, I left the church and no longer attended, and then following never went to church for many years. I let worldly decisions impact my life for many years following.

So let's fast forward, it's 2010 and I'm in the Army. I've recently been introduced back to God via my friends Jon and Jamie Tuveson. I hope they don't mind the name drop. But Jon and Jamie worked at Youth With a Mission (YWAM) and also went on many many mission trips overseas. They are two people who truly believe in Jesus and follow where he leads them.

But through them, I was reintroduced to church and renewed my love for Jesus. As a matter of fact, I still have the very nice ESV Study Bible they gave to me (although guiltily it hasn't got much use until now). Over months, I started going to church every weekend that I wasn't on duty for the Army. I began thinking that becoming a pastor and becoming an Army Chaplain. I even sat down with the pastor at the church I was attending at the time and discussed where I needed to start. He was so open to the idea and glad that I was so interested in learning the scripture. For a very short period of time, I had found myself with God and then the Enemy struck again and I let the world catch up to me.

Again I let worldly decisions take hold of my life and I stopped going to church. I stopped praying and worshipping and sure enough, my life got turned upside down. If you had known me then, you would have thought, "Gee this guy's life is a mess, wouldn't want to be him." It got so bad that my decisions led me to get demoted in the army, have no car, and almost no place to live until I was forced to move onto base. I won't go into details but it was due to my decision to allow sin and the Enemy into my life. Once again I was not walking with Jesus but away from him.

Looking back now I see that God saved me at least three maybe even four times in my life. Each time my choices could have led me to death but by His grace, I am here today. I remember specifically one of these times thinking, why God? Why do you keep me around? Often I think God doesn't choose to tell you why your life is important in this world and you have to kind of figure it out for yourself.

As a father, I know that I was meant to have my children. I was meant to be their Dad and meant to raise them in this time and in this place. I see now that was one of my callings, one of the many reasons God kept me around. I used to think that being a network engineer was my true calling and have since come to realize that while I do love what I do, I am unsure if it is my true calling. I've learned though that having a true calling may differ from your vocation and that is ok. I don't know yet what my true calling is, it may still be network engineering, but I pray to God for guidance and wisdom enough to see my calling when it comes.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5)

Again we fast forward a few years. Remember I had abandoned walking with Jesus and decided I knew better than our Lord and Savior. Oh, how foolish I had been.

Well now my life was back in order and it felt like things were evening out. Erika and I were doing great, life was good, and the kids were all healthy and doing well. Well, everything was fine except for Covid....stupid Covid.

Suddenly, Bam! Adeline is diagnosed with cancer and my whole life is turned upside down again. So to be clear I said life was good, everything was great. Well, everything was great except for my relationship with God. For several years we had said, "We are going to go to church." or "We should go to church this week." Then every weekend would come and we would always have some reason not to. Oh, stayed up late drinking the night before and hungover so we cant go. Sleeping in this weekend so we cant go. Ehh, don't feel like going so we aren't going. There was always some excuse, always some reason we couldn't or shouldn't go.

Now suddenly, our daughter who seemed perfectly healthy was diagnosed with cancer. In light of everything we could have asked, "Why God, why choose her?" I think at one point while praying in the shower I told God, "Please God, take me instead. Choose me for this battle, not her." I'd have done anything at that moment to take her place. I see now that it needed to be her because the outcome would probably not have been the same.

I didn't understand at that moment why God was choosing her to go through this. She was so young and innocent and all my life I had sinned, I deserved to be the one facing these problems.

But then something magical happened. After Adeline was out of the hospital and even before that we turned to God. We asked for prayers and began praying ourselves. God really worked miracles for her. Her surgery went well, her recovery was fantastic, her radiation went without any problems, and her chemo has been going great. But the best part was that we started going to church and finding ourselves overwhelmed with joy and love. Erika and I talk about it a lot, and we both feel that God was what was missing from our lives that now makes us feel complete.

But what really happened is that we started trusting in Him. What we were going through as a family was truly terrible but so far so many great things have come from it. We don't understand exactly why she developed cancer but it is not within our power to understand God's plan. Placing our trust in God has lifted the weight of what we are going through from our shoulders.

"For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:30)

That is what it means to have a relationship with Christ. I am never alone. By trusting in Jesus, and confessing him as my Lord and Savior I have found my salvation. I am slowly learning so much more about the scripture and I am even enrolled in a Christian University. I am currently attending for a networking degree but am minoring in biblical studies. I think the more I read the bible, the more I learn every day about scripture the more I feel the pull to go full into it and make my major biblical studies. I'm still praying on that one, praying for guidance and wisdom to know if that is the right choice or not.

But all said and done finding my relationship with God, walking with Him and in His light, I am finding myself. The best part is getting to do it with my wife as she is learning just as much as I am. We share what we learn with each other and it not only strengthens our relationship with God but also with each other.

As a man, a father, and a husband I feel it is my responsibility to learn what I can so that I can lead my family in the best possible way. I feel it is my responsibility to learn as much as I can so that I can teach my family and help them learn of God's eternal love and grace. Baptizing Erika and my son Chris made me feel so whole inside. It was as if I was getting to share the best part of myself with them and even better I was getting to share Christ with them.

The closer I come to God the more I want to help others learn as well. I want people to feel what I feel when I read the scripture or worship Jesus. I want others to feel that unending love, peace, serenity, and bliss that I feel. I think that if people could feel half as good as I do when reading the bible or attending church there would be a lot more peace in the world.

I still have a long way to go but I am getting there. We are getting there together as a family. And the best part is that we are getting there together as a family trusting in God.