Give It To God

Hello, and welcome back to StrodeDad. It's been a while since I last posted, but I hope to get back into the swing of things moving forward. With that, let's get started.

Dear Lord, thank you for today. Thank you for the opportunity to write and get my thoughts out. I ask, Lord that you give me the wisdom to know what to write so that what I write helps someone in some way and brings glory to you, Lord. In Jesus' name, amen.

Busy Weeks

Do you ever feel like you can't stop going? Do you ever feel like your life is moving a million miles a minute? Lately, that's what it feels like for me. I feel like since Adeline's diagnosis, that is how our life has been, a million miles a minute. There is always one more thing to do or another event to look forward to. I take a look at our calendar and don't recognize it anymore. It used to be empty, save for an appointment here and there. Now, now the calendar is filled with various things going on.

I used to look at others whose lives seemed so busy all the time and who never really seemed to get a break and wonder how they did it. Not only did I wonder how they accomplished all the things they had to do in one day, but also how they got so many things to do in one day. Now I am starting to get it. Even on the days when we have nothing on our calendar, we end up just as busy as the days that are filled. Some days Erika and I sit there and see an empty day and are like, "yup, not doing anything today. Today we are going to just relax". Ten minutes later, laundry is getting done; foundation work is getting done, school work is getting done, the kids want or need to go somewhere, the list is endless. So a relaxing day is like a thing of the past now.

Do you ever feel that way? If you do, what do you do to relax? Where do you find the time to squeeze in a break? To be honest, there is still more that I want to squeeze into my day. I'd like to workout for an hour each day but can never seem to find the time. I suppose it is about prioritizing. But it just seems like a never-ending list of things to do.

While this might all sound like a bit of complaining, I like that we are busy, we are being active in our family, in our work, and in our relationship with God. I find that when I used to have free time, I'd spend it getting caught up on my shows. You know, the shows that no one else in the house likes to watch, so you wait until you get a quiet moment to watch and catch up. But now I find that I like to read the Bible in the spare moments between things to do. I long to read it, almost as if I don't get the chance I am missing a part of what I need to keep me going during the day.

Do you feel that way when you miss a day of reading the Bible? I do. "Give us our daily bread," a part of the Lord's Prayer. Jesus didn't just mean bread. He meant everything we needed for a day. Is it possible that he also meant the scripture? Of course, the New Testament wasn't written yet when this was said, but if daily consumption helps bring us closer to Him, should we conclude that he meant more than just physical sustenance? I know that when I miss a day of reading, I can feel it in my soul. I'm hungry and yearning for more, and now I've missed a meal. That's what it feels like. That's why I enjoy reading through my Bible when we aren't busy.

So how do I handle the Busy Weeks? How do I handle the non-stop torrent of things to do, things to remember (which, by the way, sometimes I'm like a goldfish and forget things really fast, so I'm sure that makes things even more difficult for Erika), and the calendar that gets fuller every time I look at it? I take the few minutes in between and read my Bible and pray.

"But he answered, It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone,

but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’"

(Matthew 4:4)

Big Hurdle - Fear of Being Sick

Well, this past week, we overcame a huge hurdle. Maybe I shouldn't say we overcame because I think it is still a fear, and it will probably take a few times to get past this fear. This past week Adeline came down with a little twenty-four-hour bug. It hit her hard Wednesday of this past week. She had been up since six twenty in the morning with no nap, so when she fell asleep at six in the evening, we assumed it was because she was tired. We checked her temp just in case, but she had no fever. So we went to MidWeek at church. By the end of MidWeek, you could see it in her face. By the time we got home, she was running a low-grade fever.

When we were getting her ready for bed, we asked her, "are you feeling ok? Do you feel icky?" She would get angry and tell us NO almost on the verge of tears. Then it donned on both of us almost at the same time. She must be scared to say she is sick. For the last year she had been sick. She was finally free of it all. Now if she admits she is sick what does that mean? How hard is it to explain to a four year old that she doesn't have to be scared, especially when we are scared too?

I pulled her close and tried to explain to her, "It's ok to be scared. But can I tell you a secret? Now that your buddy is out and your chemo is done, you're cancer free. That means when you get sick we don't have to take you to the doctor unless it gets bad or doesn't get better. And the best part is that we don't have to go to Children's Hospital and get poked, we just take you to your normal doctor. She can look at you and tell us what to do to help."

Erika snapped a quick pic of me explaining what being sick means now.

It slowly dawned on her. So I asked her again, do you feel icky? She said yes and we gave her hugs and then got her in the shower and ready for bed. We gave her some Tylenol to help with the fever and any aches and got her to bed. As I climbed into bed and looked at Erika I realized how hard this was for all of us.

Adeline was terrified that it meant she would have to quit going to the kids room at church, going to karate, or just getting to be a normal kid. For her it meant losing all of that and having to go to Children's Hospital again and get poked more. For Erika and I it was an innate fear that something larger was going on. I hold it together for Erika but I always tell her that she isn't alone in that feeling. It made me just as scared as it did her. The last time that Adeline had gotten sick with cold like symptoms we went in to find out that she had a tumor on her kidney. I held Erika close for a while that night. It made us both feel better.

The following morning I prayed about it. I prayed hard because I still felt worried. But I think that is the point. God want's us to pray when we are afraid. God wants us to bring our troubles, our fears, and our happiness to Him and share it with Him.

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me

and delivered me from all my fears."

(Psalm 34:4)

And when I say that I kept it together for Erika's sake I mean that I tried not to let my fear show. I of course tell her that I am just as scared as she is, it's scary. It will probably feel that way every time she gets sick until it just doesn't anymore. But until then it's nice to be able to hold Erika close and know that we are in this together as we are in all things together.

I say this as if I am talking to you out loud, God has truly gifted me with Erika. Its one of those statements not meant to be bragging but meant to be said as I shake my head in disbelief and thanks. Thank you God for blessing me with her.

School - To Change Or Not To Change

School just started up again for me. First class back is, "An Introduction to the New Testament." Let me tell you how excited about this class I have been. I don't say that sarcastically either. Lately I've been doing all I can do to soak up as much information from the Bible and about scripture. This is really taking me even a step further in my learning journey. One of the books that we are reading is "A Survey of the New Testament", which has been amazing. The first three chapters go into the history behind the Bible and it's creation. It even goes into details about various rulers at the time such as King Herod. This connection between what I had already read in the Bible and what I was reading in this book was amazing and just sparks my fuel for learning more.

But the craziest thing happened. I have to post for discussion and respond to two other students. I saw on the list that there was one post that hadn't gotten a lot of discussion to it so I figured why not go with that one? So I started reading this amazing testimony about a gentleman who used to be a drug dealer and lead the largest gang in Iowa. After being in prison he found Christ and has reformed his life. He now lives in Arizona raising his nine year old daughter as a single parent. His testimony was just an invitation to learn of God's grace and glory.

But that isn't even the craziest part. So as I am reading he mentions that he is going to school to get a BA in non-profit management. Well as most of you know my wife and I along with one of our dear friend started a non-profit organization to help families going through childhood traumas. Well we have been doing pretty good so far and things seem to be moving in the right direction. But when I saw that, it was like a new door stood before me.

I have been wondering for a while now if getting my degree in IT is something I should be doing. I've worked a long time without it and really with the right certifications you don't need a degree to do the job that I currently do. Is this a sign from God or maybe at the very least a path to go down? Does he want me to take this new door and learn how to properly manage a non-profit? What doors would getting a degree in non-profit management open for One Ribbon Foundation? Grant writing was a class in the degree plan and grants are exactly what we need to get up and running the way that we want to be.

I left it at that yesterday because I just don't want to make rash decisions. This morning while I was praying I asked for God's wisdom to know what decision I need to make. I have some time because all three of my classes that I am currently taking are going towards my minor in Biblical Studies. So I figure since that is the case I have plenty of time to pray and reflect on it. I may even fast and pray deeply about it to help me make up my mind. I want to take the door if it's the door He wants me to go through.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God,

who gives generously to all without reproach,

and it will be given him."

(James 1:5, ESV)

What Am I Getting At?

So I put a lot of information out in this entry for StrodeDad. What does it all mean? I suppose the better question is what am I getting at with my various topics today? Well truthfully I just wanted to let you all know what is going on in our lives. But second or maybe first before that even I wanted to show you that everything roots in prayer and scripture. Everything above resulted in me praying or reading the Bible. Everything above will be answered by prayer and scripture. Our fears, my lack of wisdom and even how I deal with the hecticness that we call life results in reading the Bible and praying.

Life is hectic, it's messy, its doors that open and shut in your face before you even get the chance to decide to walk through them. But through all of that messiness God is there with us. He wants to hear our fears, He wants to grant us wisdom when we ask, He want's to know when things are going right or wrong. So what I learn and what I continue to learn every day is to take it all to God. Give it all to Him, the good, the bad, and everything in between. Just Give It To God.

Thank you for reading today and until next time...